Manageable New Year’s Resolutions

As the new year approaches, many of us set aside a little time for introspection and contemplation. As we consider what the past year was and what the new year might hold, many of us find a renewed desire to improve ourselves, whether by losing weight, eating a more healthy diet, or finally sitting down to write that novel about the time-traveling monkey detective. Too often, however, three weeks into January we look back on our progress and consider how foolish we were to think we could really get ourselves into marathon-running shape within a few days. This can leave us feeling more depressed than we were in the first place. So, in the interest or preserving our collective self-esteem, I recommend that you consider some new year’s resolutions that most of us would find more manageable.
Sometimes it’s as important to resolve to stop doing something as it is to resolve to start doing something. Maybe you chew with your mouth open and it disgusts your spouse. You could resolve to close your mouth when eating, or at least eat in a different room. Maybe you feel like you do all the housework. You could resolve to allow your spouse to share in the joy of helping you cook and wash the dishes. It’s amazing how much of a difference it could make in your marriage if you just resolve to pick up your socks off the floor every once in a while.
Or, if you’re already not doing something wrong, it’s important to make sure you don’t start. If you’ve never kicked a puppy, good for you! It’s that much easier to resolve not to get in the habit. If you’ve never let the air out of your neighbor’s tires, that’s a great way to build friendship. Just make sure you resolve to continue resisting the temptation, even when he accidentally backs into your mailbox. After all, refraining from doing bad things is half of what is required for self-improvement.
Once you’ve resolved to stop doing the bad things, you can make some resolutions to start doing good things. First, given the state of world affairs, sometimes just getting out of bed requires superhuman effort. Watching the news these days makes you want to go hide under the blankets with a cup of hot chocolate and a good book. Nevertheless, most of us manage to push onward, not only getting out of bed but also going on with our day-to-day lives in spite of a never-ending torrent of depressing information assailing our senses. So go ahead and resolve to just get up every morning (except on days when you’re sick, and the occasional Saturday), and feel good about yourself for keeping that resolution.
With the majority of American adults overweight, it’s no surprise that losing weight and improving diet are common resolutions. Resolving to eat right is a good goal, but it’s a vague description. Not only that, but it takes time to develop a balanced diet. Otherwise, it’s a terrible shock to the system. Resolving to eat multiple servings of fruits and vegetables a day when you’re used to jelly donuts and candy corn is not only a change for your body, it’s also pretty expensive. There are, however, ways to ease into it. Switch from s’mores-flavored Pop-Tarts to strawberry. Put some extra pickles on your burger. Double the order of peppers on your pizza. It’s surprising how many different ways there are to get the fruits and vegetables your body needs.
Finally, the most important resolution we can make is simply to make some resolutions. That way, even after the dusty treadmill is relegated to the corner where it becomes a $400 rack for drying socks, we can feel good about ourselves, knowing that we at least set some goals, even if the execution didn’t pan out. After all, there’s always next year. This thought will cheer us up as we head to the pantry for some more Girl Scout cookies.
It’s important to remember that the purpose of creating new year’s resolutions is not just to make yourself a better person, it’s also to feel better about yourself. We shouldn’t get down on ourselves just because we aren’t perfect. None of us will achieve perfection in this life, so we might as well find joy in the everyday things we do. So don’t feel afraid to pad your list of resolutions just a bit to make sure you feel like you at least accomplish something throughout the coming year.

A Man’s Guide to Inexpensive Holiday Decorating

As the Christmas season approached this year, I found myself conflicted between a desire to decorate my home and a desire to avoid, as much as possible, the commercial aspect of the season. Add to that the cost of decorations ($15 for a box of ornaments?) and I decided to decorate using items I found around the house. Throughout the process, I learned several valuable lessons, which I will now share for the benefit of others who may be considering a little economical decorating.

I began by preparing to hang lights on the outside of my house. Now, my neighborhood has traditionally been pretty competitive when it comes to getting decorations up early, which culminated in one guy down the street hanging his lights during the Fourth of July weekend (a stray bottle rocket and the ensuing electrical fire soon put an end to that competition). As I pulled the knotted string of lights out of the basement, I found that the plastic hooks used to hang them were all missing but one. Reflecting on my desire to save cost, I used a truly innovative method of hanging the lights, which I call “Ball-O-Lights Hanging over the Porch.” The neighbors apparently realized that there’s no way to compete with that, so they wisely decided to stick with the “traditional” methods of hanging lights, no doubt jealous of my resourcefulness.

With the outdoor decorating done, I now focused my efforts on making the interior of my home as festive as possible. I had always purchased real trees before, but I had no desire to spend $50 on something that would be thrown out in 3 weeks. Then I considered that an artificial tree would be a money-saving investment in the end. So I took a trip to the store to find a good one.

When I got there, the trees were pretty picked over. All they had left was a 12-foot, flocked monstrosity with a price tag that surely had an extra zero. So, after poking around the store for a while, I suddenly realized that the Savior wasn’t born in a sub-arctic climate anyway. So I bought a plastic palm tree for $6.95 and brought it home, rejoicing that I wouldn’t have to spend three hours setting it up every year.

The first thing I needed for the tree was tinsel. I remembered that my tinsel had been torn up the previous year by the cat, so I needed to find a substitute. Thinking about what purpose tinsel serves, I decided that it’s just supposed to sit there and look shiny. So I found some aluminum foil in the kitchen drawer and wove it festively through the leaves of my plastic tree. Then, standing back to take a look at my handiwork, I could see that the tree needed some more color. Thinking that red would complement the green of the leaves and produce a true Christmas feel, I grabbed a red permanent marker and drew some ornaments of various shapes on the foil. The effect was truly breathtaking.

Next I needed some stockings to hang over the fireplace, but those used in previous years were, thanks again to the cat, so full of holes as to be useless. Well, I had a couple pairs of red-striped socks that I had used for playing soccer, so they were covered with grass stains. I hung them from the mantel, and the room was beginning to truly feel like it belonged at the North Pole.

Next I decided to construct a Christmas village on the coffee table, like so many I had seen at neighbors’ houses over the years. Where fake snow and porcelain houses worked for them, cotton balls and action figures would surely work just as well for me. Add a few houses made from building bocks, and it was truly marvelous.

I looked around the living room and felt that it still needed a little something. Aha! I needed a nice Christmas wreath to hang on the wall. I had noticed my neighbor bringing in a real tree earlier, so I went over to his driveway and gathered up all the little branches that had fallen off their tree as they brought it in the house. These I wove in a lovely ring using clear tape. I then found a red push pin with which to hang it over the fireplace.

I looked around the room one more time as I heard a car door open and close. “Just in time,” I thought to myself as my wife and son came in from an afternoon of Christmas shopping.

I could tell she was pleased with my efforts as she stood there speechless, a tear of wonder in her eye.

And So It Begins

I created this blog specifically for posting my submissions to yourLDSneighborhood.com . Expect lots of exciting links and other information to come!