I began by preparing to hang lights on the outside of my house. Now, my neighborhood has traditionally been pretty competitive when it comes to getting decorations up early, which culminated in one guy down the street hanging his lights during the Fourth of July weekend (a stray bottle rocket and the ensuing electrical fire soon put an end to that competition). As I pulled the knotted string of lights out of the basement, I found that the plastic hooks used to hang them were all missing but one. Reflecting on my desire to save cost, I used a truly innovative method of hanging the lights, which I call “Ball-O-Lights Hanging over the Porch.” The neighbors apparently realized that there’s no way to compete with that, so they wisely decided to stick with the “traditional” methods of hanging lights, no doubt jealous of my resourcefulness.
With the outdoor decorating done, I now focused my efforts on making the interior of my home as festive as possible. I had always purchased real trees before, but I had no desire to spend $50 on something that would be thrown out in 3 weeks. Then I considered that an artificial tree would be a money-saving investment in the end. So I took a trip to the store to find a good one.
When I got there, the trees were pretty picked over. All they had left was a 12-foot, flocked monstrosity with a price tag that surely had an extra zero. So, after poking around the store for a while, I suddenly realized that the Savior wasn’t born in a sub-arctic climate anyway. So I bought a plastic palm tree for $6.95 and brought it home, rejoicing that I wouldn’t have to spend three hours setting it up every year.
The first thing I needed for the tree was tinsel. I remembered that my tinsel had been torn up the previous year by the cat, so I needed to find a substitute. Thinking about what purpose tinsel serves, I decided that it’s just supposed to sit there and look shiny. So I found some aluminum foil in the kitchen drawer and wove it festively through the leaves of my plastic tree. Then, standing back to take a look at my handiwork, I could see that the tree needed some more color. Thinking that red would complement the green of the leaves and produce a true Christmas feel, I grabbed a red permanent marker and drew some ornaments of various shapes on the foil. The effect was truly breathtaking.
Next I needed some stockings to hang over the fireplace, but those used in previous years were, thanks again to the cat, so full of holes as to be useless. Well, I had a couple pairs of red-striped socks that I had used for playing soccer, so they were covered with grass stains. I hung them from the mantel, and the room was beginning to truly feel like it belonged at the North Pole.
Next I decided to construct a Christmas village on the coffee table, like so many I had seen at neighbors’ houses over the years. Where fake snow and porcelain houses worked for them, cotton balls and action figures would surely work just as well for me. Add a few houses made from building bocks, and it was truly marvelous.
I looked around the living room and felt that it still needed a little something. Aha! I needed a nice Christmas wreath to hang on the wall. I had noticed my neighbor bringing in a real tree earlier, so I went over to his driveway and gathered up all the little branches that had fallen off their tree as they brought it in the house. These I wove in a lovely ring using clear tape. I then found a red push pin with which to hang it over the fireplace.
I looked around the room one more time as I heard a car door open and close. “Just in time,” I thought to myself as my wife and son came in from an afternoon of Christmas shopping.
I could tell she was pleased with my efforts as she stood there speechless, a tear of wonder in her eye.
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